Before reading this article, please understand this: I am a mother, a stepmother, a grandmother, an aunt, a sister, a daughter, and for over 25 years was a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom who also had kids in public school, too. My years of experience cover a broad range of areas which is best suited for another article where I can talk about it in depth. For now, I am showing you this to say, this isn’t a topic I address lightly. I DO, however, address it from a Biblical perspective. I pray you read to the end for the full perspective. So, let’s take a look.
I used the term a lot years and years ago, too. Domestic engineer. It is the term coined decades ago to put a spin on homemaker, or housewife. Somehow society decided being “JUST a stay at home mom” was not worthy or valuable compared to outside employment. Thus, women began to assign an official sounding title to their position as wife and mother.
When you look at books, blogs, and instructive articles from the job placement industry, the common description for “domestic engineer” is that it is “gender neutral,” politically correct, and implies “value not possessed” by the applicant. This last part is because the main focus is on the word “engineer.” You see, from a job placement perspective, stating you are an “engineer” implies a higher level of education in that specific field – as in tech school or college. When it comes to the other two phrases, “gender neutral” and politically correct, most women have probably never thought of “domestic engineer” as being either. Instead, many, including I, felt it added “value” to the years of being a mother and wife away from the professional workforce.
A question I asked myself here is: why do we, as wives and/or moms, feel the need to use a politically correct, gender neutral term which was coined just to make women appear more “worthy” or “valuable?” Aren’t we worthy and valuable just as we are? When I say this publicly, I tend to get a LOT of women riled up. That is not my intent, not at all. It is an honest question to ask yourselves.
I understand what drives us to do it: we feel belittled by the world for our contribution to society. We feel that we don’t get enough credit, recognition, or respect for our willingness to stay home and raise a responsible, respectable, resourceful, and wonderful family. Yet there is the other side of the coin, too, which was pointed out to me.
Have you ever thought what WORKING mothers think? It is an interesting perspective. I read the comments from about 20 working women who are also wives, mothers, and also several single mothers. They state they do the same things YOU do. They are homemakers, housekeepers, “chief cook and bottle washers.” They do laundry, balance check books, handle household expenses (pay the bills), help with homework, nurse illnesses and wounds, run errands, “soccer mom” and more, just like stay at home moms do. SOME homeschool their children with the help of a co-op or other relatives, too! PLUS, they work at a profession, sometimes in the home, sometimes outside the home. What do WE do that is any different from their efforts, they ask.
Another perspective is one my husband brought up to me – men don’t go to work and add job qualifications to their resume or work description when they become dads, buy a new home, and such. We don’t see men stating they are now lawn care specialists for doing yard work, or electrical engineers for replacing outlets, fuses or trouble shooting a blown circuit breaker.
I know my words by now are firing up a lot of ladies but, please, follow me out to the end.
Could we be exaggerating (puffing up) our title when we are claiming that normal everyday life experiences somehow qualify us for a loftier label? Moms and wives work hard – I know! I did. Still do, and it is just the two of us! I don’t even need to go into all the responsibilities we each have. There are countless blog articles out there that can sum all those up for us. But working moms/wives and all dads and husbands work hard, too!
Could one reason we feel under-valued be that we see so many articles talking about how much we should be paid based on all the jobs we do? In my lifetime I have heard income numbers ranging from $56,000 per year annual salary to $150,000 per year! When we hear that dollar amount put to our “position” as homemaker, it often makes us feel as though the world should appreciate wives and mothers more. And this can lead to our desiring a witty or clever title, rather than simply being content and pleased with who we truly are.
Putting a professional sounding label on our job because society, or even we, feel it needs to be painted as less “lowly” than another job gives the impression that we agree it is lowly, or of less value. It implies we believe the worldly portrayal that one group is more esteemed to God or society than another.
Remember, stay calm and keep reading! I am leading you somewhere. I promised we would be looking at this from a biblical perspective. So here we go.
We are IN the world because we are born into it, but we are not to be OF the world, are we?
In John 17:14-18 Jesus prays for the disciples and says, “I have given them your word. The world hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I pray not that you would take them from the world, but that you would keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in your truth. Your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, even so I have sent them into the world.”
We have His word to learn from, and we, too, have accepted Him as is described here. Yet still, just as then, the world works to demean us and often hates us because of what we stand for – especially traditional families as described in His Truth. So, we must ask ourselves, because we are not of this world, why do we desire a label which appears elevated in the world’s eyes? Why do we seek worldly esteem more than praise ourselves as the treasure Yahweh created us to be?
We are supposed to believe that Yahweh values us greatly, beyond measure and that he wants us to see ourselves that way, aren’t we? We are told in Luke 12:24b that we are to consider even the ravens, how he cares for them, and then, “how much more are ye better than the fowls?” (KJV) We should always remember we were created in His image. (Genesis 1:27)
I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. My soul knows that very well. Psalm 139:14 WEB
I ask, if these verses are how we are to see ourselves, then why do we give in to what the WORLD says about us? Why do we apply the same lack of value to our roles as parents, homemakers, aunts, uncles, neighbors, mentors as the world applies? Why have we allowed ourselves to fall into that same trap?
One thing I have realized over the years is this: the world chooses to devalue all of these influencers because often the world cannot see the “forward value” in what we do. They simply see us as “just raising kids,” yet those kids will one day be applying for jobs, going to college, volunteering, training others, and so much more. What we teach them now is immeasurable!
The world sees little value in the family these days, especially a traditional one. Let’s step up and show them the value. Show them WE value our roles as wives, mothers, aunts, mentors, neighbors and such.
I gave up calling myself a domestic engineer some time ago. Because I realized that I was a HOMEMAKER and that was what Yahweh called me to be. Although I am now called to ministry with my husband, I am still a homemaker, only now my home includes an extended family that one day will include spouses for ALL of our children as well as more grandchildren, and prayerfully – one day – even great grandchildren.
Proverbs 22:6 Tells us we are to train up children in the way they should go so that when they are old they will not depart from it. Your responsibility as a mom, a wife, and a homemaker is GREAT in the sight of God! Even if you have no children of your own, you mentor through your loving example: your nieces, nephews, neighbor’s children, those in your Sunday school class, even children in your community – you are helping to train them to be the next generation of productive people. And for that, I am truly grateful. So should the world be!
One day, a new boss or professor will say, “WOW! That (Insert child’s name here!) is a great person, hard worker. He/she was raised right!” Whatever your job was in raising those new adults, your diligence and dedication will bring new light into the world.
Sisters, I hope that you have made it this far in the article. Because it is my hope that we will stop belittling our roles in life and see ourselves for who we truly are. Be proud of who you have become in raising your family. Be proud of how Yahweh sees you! Be proud to say that raising our next generation of leaders, executives, hard workers of every kind, moms and dads who also believe in their value and the value of others is worth more than words can say!
Don’t ever be ashamed of being a mom, an aunt, a mentor, a good example, a homemaker for the children of this world.
Be proud of your job! I am proud of you!!!!
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Am I A Domestic Engineer
(Note: CAPS added merely for emphasis)
The college where I attend right now is a Reformed theology college. Sometimes I take a little break from the lectures because it can get somewhat . . .sad, I guess you could say. An example of this is how much I am avoiding my Theology 2 course because the messages are so negative. So much of the negative we go through in life, many of my professors believe, Yahweh did it to us on purpose, and don't teach that it is a consequence of our fallen world in which we live or of decisions we might make. One of the big reasons why we don’t follow Reformed theology.
I have to say, because I sometimes may be a little extra aware of this kind of thinking, people say things that often catch my attention more than it might others. In listening to another person’s teachings recently, I was saddened to hear the man say that we don’t deserve Yahweh’s love. He believes that because “we are sinners,” we aren’t worthy of his love. I was pinched at my core with those words. Because, by that belief, then we will NEVER be worthy or deserving of all the love Yahweh showers down upon each and every one of us every single day.
We all make mistakes in life. We are likely to sin – sin is transgression of Yahweh’s teachings – which are based on LOVE. I sinned this week – getting angry at someone I love. But guess what? We worked it out, and through Yeshua’s teachings of grace, we both forgave each other. WHY?? BECAUSE BOTH OF US ARE DESERVING OF EACH OTHER’S LOVE. EACH OF US IS WORTHY OF THAT LOVE. Just as we are each worthy and deserving of Yahweh’s love.
What does it mean to be “worthy?” It simply means to have adequate character or value.
How about the word “deserving?” It means to be qualified for the reward or assistance of another, based on our character and qualities.
Jim pointed out to me – Genesis – we were created IN HIS IMAGE. You might ask what that has to do with this discussion. We are each created magnificently, beautifully, humbly, greatly, with goodness and joy, peace and power – it’s all there, somewhere inside each of us. Yahweh sees that in us.
No one sees our true qualities and character better than Yahweh. No one sees our true heart better than HE does. Only HE knows what is truly hidden deep down inside us. So only He can make that decision accurately of our worthiness or our being deserving of His love.
I wrote another article some time ago about being blessed in spite of myself. Let me share with you, this week was another of those times. In the midst of my personal conflict, in spite of our individual natures, Yahweh blessed me greatly – with a sweet sister in faith who prayed for me the perfect words I needed to hear. She didn’t even know all the details of what was going on, she just opened her heart, prayed for me and The Holy Spirit whispered to her what I needed to hear. How did I deserve that when I had sinned?
I was given a group of ladies who helped me on my page to find a product that I could use. They all jumped in so willingly, kindly, and openly to make suggestions I could study out for myself. So loving, so kind, and wonderfully helpful. THEN, Yahweh blessed me with a coupon in the mail for that kind of product for almost free which helps our budget out greatly!
And finally, without asking, a kind friend sent me a PM with ideas on how to make my new videos better. She also showed her husband, a retired IT guy, one of the videos and HE gave her ideas to pass on to me, too!!!
I had been asking Yahweh, “How am I going to do ALL THIS on my own??? I just don’t know Abba! Please, HELP ME!”
And, in spite of myself, He felt I was worthy of His great blessings and His great and wonderous love. Yahweh felt I had adequate character, value and was qualified for His assistance.
I am not saying we are ENTITLED to His great love, nor am I saying we are ENTITLED to His great blessings. Entitlement implies it is yours no matter what – a guaranteed benefit from Yahweh. And Biblically speaking, it is very clear that entitlement DOES NOT WORK. How many times did His people feel entitled only to lose their blessings? How many times did Yahweh WARN THEM not to become complacent, not to take for granted all the great and wonderous blessings He showers down upon them – out of love. The big examples are easy to see: The flood and Sodom and Gomorrah. Yet there are others.
Deuteronomy 11:13-17 (WEB) Moses tells the people of Israel: It shall happen, if you shall listen diligently to my commandments which I command you this day, to love Yahweh your God, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul, that I will give the rain of your land in its season, the former rain and the latter rain, that you may gather in your grain, and your new wine, and your oil. I will give grass in your fields for your livestock, and you shall eat and be full. Take heed to yourselves, lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside, and serve other gods, and worship them; and the anger of Yahweh be kindled against you, and he shut up the sky, so that there shall be no rain, and the land shall not yield its fruit; and you perish quickly from off the good land which Yahweh gives you.
In Judges 6, the Midianites, Amalekites, and others constantly came against the Israelites, constantly ruining their crops, livestock, and destroying the land, making it impossible for Israel to thrive. When they cried unto Yahweh, this is what happened: It happened, when the children of Israel cried to Yahweh because of Midian, that Yahweh sent a prophet to the children of Israel: and he said to them, "Thus says Yahweh, the God of Israel, 'I brought you up from Egypt, and brought you forth out of the house of bondage; and I delivered you out of the hand of the Egyptians, and out of the hand of all who oppressed you, and drove them out from before you, and gave you their land; and I said to you, "I am Yahweh your God; you shall not fear the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell." But you have not listened to my voice.'" (WEB Verses 7-10)
We cannot sit back and continue to sin expecting that He will just continue to grant us flowing blessings. Even as His people of old, if we disrespect His grace and love, EXPECTING it without recognizing Him, honoring Him, without praising Him, and without our own desire to change our hearts – we run the risk of experiencing what His people have in the past. Not as lightening bolts of punishment shot down upon us. Simply by the removal of His grace, protection, and provision until we awaken to the fact that WE need to change, to be more like Yeshua.
We should NEVER take for granted or minimize our responsibility to live as though we are worthy of all that He showers upon us. We should always recognize when we make mistakes that we need to repent, take it to Him, set it straight with Him and with whomever else, and we should be willing to work on that issue in our lives. To not repeat our same mistakes.
We have been given benefits by Him already, Psalm 103:1-11 reminds us to not forget those benefits and reminds us how great His love is: (WEB version)
“Praise Yahweh, my soul! All that is within me, praise his holy name!
Praise Yahweh, my soul, and don't forget all his benefits; who forgives all your sins; who heals all your diseases; who redeems your life from destruction; who crowns you with loving kindness and tender mercies; who satisfies your desire with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Yahweh executes righteous acts, and justice for all who are oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the children of Israel.
Yahweh is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abundant in loving kindness.
He will not always accuse; neither will he stay angry forever.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor repaid us for our iniquities.
For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is his loving kindness toward those who fear him.”
We can also find encouragement in the words of Yeshua recorded in Luke 12:22-30 (WEB):
He said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, don't be anxious for your life, what you will eat, nor yet for your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they don't sow, they don't reap, they have no warehouse or barn, and God feeds them. How much more valuable are you than birds! Which of you by being anxious can add a cubit to his height? 6If then you aren't able to do even the least things, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow. They don't toil, neither do they spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if this is how God clothes the grass in the field, which today exists, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith? Don't seek what you will eat or what you will drink; neither be anxious. For the nations of the world seek after all of these things, but your Father knows that you need these things.
I pray you now see how YOU qualify for the reward and assistance of Yahweh, simply based on your character and qualities which He sees inside of you.
Blessings and shalom.
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Lead Author (Bio)
Jim, (Judi's husband), has Sephardi Jewish ancestry and is a minister and head of Shofar Productions. Jim was a denominational pastor, hospital chaplain, and former director of a non-profit community organization.
Torah For Women
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